TJ White Writes

I’ve already forgotten the feel of you; The beat of your heart beneath my cheek,  The vibration of your throat when you start to speak. What was it you smelled like when you were here? Tobacco, crisp leaves and bergamot… How is it possible I’ve already forgot? The taste of you has slipped my mind; Your lips so sweet with minty breath, Your showered skin always fresh. The sounds of you are long gone now; Your voice a steady baritone, The echoes of your pleasured moan. The sight of you is something else; Captured in photos and insta posts These are the relics I cherish the most.   By: T.J. Ruberto 2021

Sleep is for the ones who want to let things go  The ones who need to rest To start afresh tomorrow  Sleep is for the weak, my tender hearted kin The ones who are afraid of what comes When you let the magic in Sleep is for the ones scared of what comes after this The ones who are too ordinary  To welcome in the bliss  Sleep is for the ones without magic in their veins The ones without the gusto To take power by the reins Sleep is not for me or my racing mind I’m not the one to close my eyes I’m not the sleeping kind By: T.J. Ruberto 2021

I sit here waiting for inspiration to come, Like parched earth waiting for rain,  Flowers waiting for sun. I wait for the voice to fill the void, To shout above the silence Or filter out the noise. I wait for those juices to start to flow, For something I can grasp,  For the seeds that I can grow. Creativity isn’t for the meek of mind,  She’s a gift, a spell, a favour, She’s something you can’t find.  She’s mystical and magical, a lady of the night,  She comes to you when she’s ready,  When she feels the moment’s right.  Relinquish your control, let go and let her play, You can’t rush that perfect moment, When she shows you what to say.  I sit here waiting for inspiration again,  Like snow caps for the sun,  And deserts for the rain.  By: T.J. Ruberto 2021

If I pulled that stitch in time,  The one where we met,  Would everything unravel? Could I undo all the hurt,  The pain you caused,  Could I let go of the heartache? If I pulled that stitch in time,  What else would be lost? Would all the good go with it? I don’t want to undo The loving you part,  Just the part where you broke me.  By: T.J. Ruberto 2021

Come a little closer Scooch across the bed Put your arms around me With your hand upon my head Come a little closer Let me lay inside your space Turn your body into mine Let me see your face Come a little closer  Lace your fingers inside mine  Whole bodies pressed together Our legs should intertwine Come a little closer  I want us to be one Come a little closer Before the moment’s gone By: T.J. Ruberto 2021

I open my mouth to speak But the words are stuck inside,  Choking the life from my soul. I can feel them on my tongue, Syllables and consonants, Floating on thin air. The noise in the void A reminder of the trauma.  I never should have tried to tell.  The words just come out wrong, No matter how loud I scream. Can you see my lips are trying? Stuttering, faltering over these words Trapped inside my own mind.  Inside I’m screaming, crying out, But the sound I make is silent. By: T.J. Ruberto 2021

Leave the lights on,  Let me see your skin.  Let the rays wash over you,  Oh won’t you let me in.  I want to see all of you,  The flaws and imperfections,  Take me on your roller ride,  The ups, the downs, inflections.  You don’t need to hide from me,  Candescent skin as smooth as silk,  Let me see you clearly, Let down the walls you’ve built.  Your perfection isn’t perfect,  And therein lies the truth,  Leave the lights on, Darling,  So you can see it too.  I want to see the parts of you, That you hide from all the world,  Let me tell you all the things,  That you’ve never heard. Leave the lights on, Darling.  Bare yourself to me,  Throw caution to the wind,  Let yourself be free.   By: T.J. Ruberto 2021

Fingers across the keyboard  Tapdancing on the keys  Putting my words to paper  I communicate with ease  I write what comes to mind The words within my brain  Stream of consciousness writing  It courses through my veins Sometimes I hear a voice  Other times it’s quiet inside Either way I hold on tight And simply enjoy the ride By: T.J. Ruberto 2021

We should’ve left this morning, Before the dawn set in,  Packed our bags and walked away, Left behind this lustful sin.  Last night was really something,  Unexpected carnal play,  But when the sun rose once again,  What was there left to say? Chemistry and pheromones,  Beckoned me to this place,  Where I found myself with you again,  Lost track of time and space.  It never fails to amaze me,  How I can’t resist your charm,  Regardless of the consequences, Or how it does me harm.  You’re completely irresistible,  One thing I can’t ignore,  You always seem to pull me in,  Leave me begging, craving more.  Without a doubt, you’re bad for me,  This will kill me I am sure,  But how can something that feels so right,  Be something so impure. We should’ve left this morning,  Before regret set in,  We should’ve never started this,  But it’s a battle I won’t win.  By: T.J. Ruberto 2021

Cigarette smoke and paper blunts, White t-shirts and coffee stains,  Baby is what he calls her, But Annie is her name.    Blue eyes watch as embers burn,  How life had got away,  From all the things she’d once dreamt,  Annie could never say.    Nicotine-stained fingertips,  Had once strummed a heavy tune,  But now she rolls another spliff,  And smokes away the gloom.    She had longed for fame and fortune,  But now she just wants peace, Instead, she lives with Tommy  In the belly of the beast.    He doesn’t like her playing,  The chords within her head,  He says she doesn’t need the music,  And to sit with him instead.    He’s takes away her freedom,  Replaces it with fear,  Fame no longer attainable,  Without her music near.   Light another cigarette,  Watch the ashes fall,  Annie can’t hear the music,  With her back against the wall.       By: T.J. Ruberto 2021    

You, my boy, remind me to laugh at myself  To laugh at others, to laugh at you You remind me what it is like to be  Carefree You think farts are hilarious  Breaking wind in the silence Butt cracks are cute in your Humble opinion You tell me how handsome you are  And walk around snapping your fingers like a  Diva  You’re hilarious  You require bear hugs and big kisses  Row Row Row Your Boat on repeat  Even though you’re almost ten  You make little snuffling noises when you sleep  Remind me what innocence is  And never waste a good burp  You smell of shampoo and still, some how  You’re dirty  From knees to elbows Bike riding is an adventure in and of itself  You take Lego seriously and video games More so You wear mismatched socks And wrinkled shirts  Not giving a toss about fashion  If I let you, you’d swear like a trooper  Dropping f-bombs just because you could  You think you’re the boss  The guy with all the answers  You never give up without a fight  Even when you’re wrong You’re th

Boys will be boys, Or so they all say.  But what does that mean, Anyway?   A good boy is made  Through the love in his home,  But can he be tainted When he’s left all alone?   What if he’s naughty? Is his boyhood to blame? And what if he’s good? Do we credit the same?    Does he follow the steps  Of what came before?  Or can he be shaped By something much more?   Can a boy be turned From the path that he’s is on? Can a little love change him?  Can the battle be won?   Is a good boy always good, Or can he make a mistake? Is a bad boy always bad, Or can he be fake?    Boys will be boys,  The good and the bad. Boys will be boys, The happy and sad.            

I want you to make love to me  In the quiet hours of the morning  When the sun shines through the slats And the birds chirp on the windowsill  We can pull the sheets over top of our heads  Make the world disappear for a while  I want to feel your fingers on my skin  Running through my messy hair  Rolling me over again and again Pressing up against one another  Basking in the glorious morning rays  I want to make love to you in the morning By: T.J. Ruberto 2021

The hanged man swings Tick tock. Tick tock.  The hanged man swings Tick tock.   The beast within him The murderous kind  Took their lives  When he lost his mind   At least that’s what they say  The folks around the town  The rumour mill runs strong And the lies go round and round   They say he couldn’t take it When he lost his job that day He just had to kill his boss And the rest got in the way    Twenty years is what he gave them And two weeks is all he got Not even a second longer No matter how he fought   He went home and kissed his wife Grabbed his gun from off the shelf Planned to kill that hateful man And then he’d off himself   So he stormed the factory Looking for the man Who’d taken what was his  And put the gun into his hands   He found him in the office  Shot him in the head But he hadn’t killed his boss  He’d shot another man instead   Realizing his mistake  He broke down upon the floor  Then his boss came running in  He picked up the gun once more    When he pulled the tr

I’m not sure what I remember anymore What is a memory? What is a memory of a memory?   I do remember the day you picked me up The day you told me  The mountain in front of us was called  Grasshopper Hill, because Grasshoppers have to pack a lunch to get up it   I remember your white shirt Sweat stained  Fat flopping over your grease marked jeans I remember sitting beside you  Gear shift between my knees   I wanted to play barbies with Your daughter The one I went to school with  But she wanted to play house Said we had to take our clothes Off  Get into bed Because that’s what mommies and daddies do   I remember being nervous, feeling Something wasn’t right  Barbies on the floor  Untouched  Naked  As most barbies end up  Sooner or later   But then I remember remembering There you were Watching us Telling me it was ok That you and she played house together All the time   Then I don’t remember  What happened next  My memory goes from vivid technicolour  To a blizzard of static  I don’t re

  I bounced up and down on a bed made for two, Singing in my little girl voice in my little girl shoes, Oblivious, Unknowing, and completely carefree, My daddy was there just watching over me.   But then you cried. Why was daddy crying? My joyous bouncing stopped. Abruptly.   You said the time had come for you to go, You said you’d see my soon (that didn’t happen though). It was time to return home to your motherland, The place that called your heart, reached out its hand. A place too far removed from where I was or where I’d be, Oceans apart forevermore, across the land and sea.   But little girls need their daddies, right? They need to be loved and cared for… Protected. Nurtured.   You said you couldn’t live here anymore. It was too hard to stay in a country that wasn’t yours. You said you had to go home to a place so far away, Hopped on a plane, said goodbye, and left that very day. You went back to the scrapping, pubs and brawls,  I guess that’s what you do when the booze calls.   

  When I cannot be there, In that moment of time, I hope this will find you.  These words are all mine.   May each syllable soothe you When we are oceans apart.              May the rhythm be pleasing, It comes straight from my heart.   I hope you can hear me, My voice in your ear. My words come to life  And you’ll know that I’m near.   They’ll cross oceans and valleys, Swim every sea,  Bringing sweet nothings  To my lover from me.    Each word is a gift,  A parcel for you Wrapped in good tidings And all my love too.    I hope my words find you,  Wherever you are, Distance doesn’t matter When love travels afar.     By: T.J. Ruberto 2021

  My heart will shatter into a million zillion pieces It will crash to the earth  Scatter tiny little fragments on the ground It will feel like falling A never-ending descent into  An infinite ebony abyss   I will wear black and cover my face To hide tear-stained cheeks  And bloodshot eyes    Something akin to dying  Without the relief of an ending  Losing you will be my undoing  Pieces of me will be lost My soul irreparably broken Consciousness locked in one moment of time   I will wear black and cover my face  To hide tear-stained cheeks  And bloodshot eyes   Every fibre of my being will scream  Rebel against the truth  Struggle to cope with reality  I will long for your touch Skin to skin once more  Hand on my heart   I will wear black and cover my face  To hide tear-stained cheeks  And bloodshot eyes   I will lie in bed alone  Crisp cotton sheets an ocean of  Empty space where you once were  Your pillow will smell of Irish Spring and sandalwood  A small indent where you laid your h

What will I be like when I get old? I'll wear flowery prints and carry a cane I'll curl my hair  Wear plastic caps in the rain  My skin will sag at my jowls and other bits Wrinkles will line my once pretty face I'll forget where I am  Lost track of time and space I'll sprout little white whiskers From my nose to my chin I'll call people Deary Forget to put my teeth in I'll tell the same story to anyone who will listen Say things like "back in my day" And "when I was a girl" And "what did you say?" My legs will quit working I'll probably have gout  I'll have three sets of glasses  And ask you to shout I'll plan big nights out for a Monday at three Down at the bingo hall  I'll wear my best velour Bingo! You'll hear me call  But I'll still be the coolest little old bitty With these tattooed sleeves I was a young'un once  If you can believe By: T.J. Ruberto 2021 This one is a work in progress, but something I

  My tears cascade down     Raindrops on funeral umbrellas     Broken rose petals on wedding days  My emotions like      Ice pellets through rainbows     Sunshine on blistered skin My heart is stone      Crimson rivers from broken tides     Scarlet ink spills from my veins  My soul is lost     Chaos in the ordinary      Tornadoes amidst blue skies  My tears remain     Rivers from the depths     Denial despite the floods TJ Ruberto 2021

 

By TJ Ruberto copyright 2021

I’m done. Completely tapped out.  Waiting for something to change  but repeating the same thing over again I must be crazy; the very definition of.  I’m done. Completely drained.  The constant battles the never being good enough  why am I never good enough?  I’m done. Completely void of life.  There isn’t a single thing I can do to make you see I’m trying; doing my best.  Why can’t I get it right just once?  I’m done. Completely alone.  Let me be with my own thoughts  let me pay for my own poor choices.  I just want to be left alone for a while.  TJ Ruberto 2021