Showing posts from 2016

The Perpetual Dieter

I came across this in my fb memories feed today and thought I would share.

Perpetual Dieter
I hate food. I hate scales. I hate diets and sizes on clothing.
I hate body image bullshit and wishing I was something I'm not.
I hate mirrors. I hate this never ending roller coaster.
I hate portion sizes and carbs, fat and calories.
I hate weight watchers and Bernstein.
I hate Jenny fucking Craig. I hate fat-free, sugar-free, and diet.
I hate organic this and non-GMO that. I hate "good for you" and "bad for you".
I hate chips. I hate chocolate. I hate cake.
Ok maybe not cake. I hate pounds shed, pounds gained, pounds lost only to be found again.
I hate hating what I've done to the temple that I am.
I hate that I can't live on water and wine. Oh... and coffee.
I hate McDonald's and Tim Horton's and the greasy spoon down the road. I hate breakfast. I hate lunch. I hate dinner and snacks. 
I hate not loving the way I look. I hate not setting…

The Path


The Path
I step and I fall.   I get up.      I step and I fall.
My knees meet the path in a collision of bone and earth,
  But I get up again.
I am not sure if I found this path or if this path found me
  But I travel it all the same. 
Another step and I fall again. I step and I fall.   I get up     Only to step and fall once more.
Again and again I pick myself up to walk again.
  Though sometimes I crawl.
I walk barefoot over shards of glass, my soles broken,
  Blood seeps into this path I tread. I walk on.  I step and I fall.   I rest. I stand.     I step again. I fall again.
My mind is weary, my body aches, doubt envelopes me.
  But my heart beats on.
With each step my calling whispers to me through hurricane winds,
  I can hear it call my name.

I carry on.  One step and then another.    And another.      And another.  This road does not travel over flat lands and smooth roads,
  But over mountains.
There is no final destination, no map, nor route, nor end in sight…

Train of Thought


Runaway Train
Clickity clack. Clickety clack.
Engines chugging coursing through my veins.
Too many cars on this railway line.

An angry engine hammers down the rails.
Crimson fire hot coals burn.
Acrid smoke becomes my breath.

I've lost control of my runaway train.Metal on metal sparks begin to fly.
Derailment looms at this junction.

But then...

Chiggity chig. Chiggity chig,
Hot steam oozes seeps from my pores,
My heart does not beat; it bangs.

Now a rickety engine takes these tracks.
Blue smoke pours the whistle cries.
Rails scream as the engine labours.

Somber clouds hang low in dreary skies.
A mountainous range no more steady chug.
I can't go on. This conductor's weary.

But then...

Chugga choo. Chugga choo.
Endorphins rush gather in my chest.
Well-oiled wheels begin to churn.

A sleek new engine grips the ties.
Electric power a break at last.
All aboard! I shout. I scream. I wail.

I feel the rush of this downhill slide.
Wind blows I feel alive!
The rage is …

You. Me. Your World.

Everyone struggles sometimes and I am a firm believer is supporting one another through thick and thin, over smooth trails and bumpy roads.
Over the last week or so I have been struggling. People... actually... friends, and yes, family too, have chosen to avert their eyes more often than not. People I have known for years, people I have offered help and support to, people I have been there for countless times, have averted their eyes. Perhaps they are being polite by not being intrusive, but that's certainly not how things come across.
Sometimes all anyone needs is a little love, a little attention, and someone to put their arms around you and tell you they are there and that they empathize with your struggles.
More often than not lately, it seems some people really can't see past the end of their own nose and your struggles are literally water rushing under the bridge on which they stand.

I know. A little negative. A little depressing. I promise, I will come back with somethi…

Tiny Forgotten Gems

Bonne Nuit
The candle light flickers in the darkness tonight,
The worries of today tucked away out of sight. The house seems to whisper through the creaks in the floor,
The world is at rest just beyond the front door. I bid you good night, adieu, and sweet dreams,
Close your eyes now, my darling, while you dance on moon beams.
by: T.J. Ruberto (c) 2017