Train of Thought

UPDATE:

Runaway Train

Clickity clack. Clickety clack.
Engines chugging
coursing through my veins.
Too many cars on this railway line.

An angry engine hammers down the rails.
Crimson fire
hot coals burn.
Acrid smoke becomes my breath.

I've lost control of my runaway train.Metal on metal
sparks begin to fly.
Derailment looms at this junction.

But then...

Chiggity chig. Chiggity chig,
Hot steam oozes
seeps from my pores,
My heart does not beat; it bangs.

Now a rickety engine takes these tracks.
Blue smoke pours
the whistle cries.
Rails scream as the engine labours.

Somber clouds hang low in dreary skies.
A mountainous range
no more steady chug.
I can't go on. This conductor's weary.

But then...

Chugga choo. Chugga choo.
Endorphins rush
gather in my chest.
Well-oiled wheels begin to churn.

A sleek new engine grips the ties.
Electric power
a break at last.
All aboard! I shout. I scream. I wail.

I feel the rush of this downhill slide.
Wind blows
I feel alive!
The rage is gone. Enjoy the ride!

But then...

Again.

Clickity clack. Clickity clack.
This ride's a trip
not fit for all.
On my crazy, uncomfortable, bipolar track.



By: T.J. Ruberto (c) 2017




________________________________________________________________________________

For the first time in my entire life (35 long years), I finally feel in control of my own emotions. Not just for one day either! I have felt balanced for months. 
Now, I feel as though I have a new perspective on the old me. 
There were times when I felt like my emotional self was trapped on a runaway train and I simply had to go along for the ride. There were times when I just wanted company on that lonely journey, to drag others along for company, for compassion, for justification. 
No more. My journey is my own. How I feel is no longer impacted by how others think I should feel, want me to feel, or expect me to feel.  I have matured, changed, evolved, and/or grown emotionally and I can finally see clearly the place where I stood for so long. 
To put into words what it felt like to be trapped on this emotional roller coaster was difficult (to say the least). 



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