Today the world is a dark and dreary place.
Well not today, but perhaps just tonight.
I am overwhelmed, over stressed, and over tired.
I am under the weather, under appreciated, and misunderstood.
What I really want is to say goodbye
But I say hello instead.
Sometimes I am tired of living in a world where friendship means acquaintance;
Where favours are expected and demanded;
Where desperation isn't convenient - so suck it up;
Where difficulty coping translates to defeat;
Where insults are hurled when love would suffice;
Where love and understanding are replaced with text messages and emojis;
Where "I need you" gets a "it's too busy / too late / I'm too tired / well too bad".
Where supporting one another is a laughable past time.
Tonight, in this nightmare come to life,
I am reminded of my every failure and my every shortcoming.
"You're too emotional / too loud / in too much of a rush.
I feel less than adequate, below average, and an abysmal failure.
Is it true? In this moment, yes it is.
Will it be tomorrow? Perhaps not.
In the meantime, I want to say au revoir
But I say bonjour instead.
Right now, I am tired of living in a world where I am not enough;
Where you "like" my funny video posts, but scroll passed my art;
I am tired of living in a world where living is so hard;
Where every day is a struggle;
Where discomfort and pain are "normal".
This darkness is an abyss suffocating my soul; extinguishing my light.
My desperate cries for help are merely whispers falling upon deaf ears.
I replay every time they've told me I am emotionally unstable, or different, or just too much.
I relive the moments they have said it is my fault ;
I set myself up to feel this way.
Like I fucking enjoy it.
What I'd like to say is adios
But I say hola instead.
I am tired of living in a world where the real me is inconvenient;
So, I medicate to bring this me to a more comfortable level
So that I can say hello.
By: T.J. Ruberto (c) 2017
* As usual: don't read more into this than necessary. We all hurt sometimes. We all feel shit; some of us just choose to share it through art (of all kinds). Trust me when I say this; artists who share a piece of their soul are not looking for sympathy or retribution. They are looking to connect with a world that, at times, seems far removed from how they are feeling. This is just part of living, this seeking connection through an outpouring of hardship, misery, and love.
I'm ok. Please don't ask. I really am.